


Thrice Defied

by TSPofAmbition



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Prophecy, Crack, Filch gets Voldie killed, Gen, Nonsense, Prophecy, i'm so ashamed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:21:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSPofAmbition/pseuds/TSPofAmbition
Summary: The prophecy was really unclear, wasn't it...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	Thrice Defied

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trina36051](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trina36051/gifts).



> Greetings and Salutations,
> 
> I'm... very, very embarrassed about this.
> 
> Please let it be known that this was written in 15 minutes while being threatened by my younger sister because she found one of my crack theories too hilarious to resist.
> 
> *Hides away for all of eternity.*
> 
> I can't even be bothered to tell y'all to 
> 
> Enjoy...
> 
> ~Literally anybody but Teaspoon

Dinner was loud.

The orphanage had always been silent as a grave for fear of angering the matron and as much as he despised the place, Tom had found the silence soothing.

Hogwarts dinners were loud and unbearable and he could barely hear himself think. It certainly didn't help that Tom hated everything about Slytherin. 

It was populated entirely by rich fools who knew less about political posturing than a troll's arse and had too much money to spend. How they got into the House of cunning was anyone's guess but Tom was beginning to believe that enough money could away even the damned Sorting Hat.

Case in point- Wilhelmina Filch. Her magical power was next to nothing, her brains had long rotted out of her ears; it probably contributed to the foul concoction holding up her hair, and her looks were as awful as her calligraphy. 

Gritting his teeth at having to interact with such a sorry excuse for magical power, he angled his head towards a platter of potatoes. 

"Excuse me Filch, could you pass the potatoes?" He asked the girl, who was sitting on his left. 'Ought to have been Filth', he thought spitefully when she ignored him. 

He nudged her, asking a second time, "Could you pass the potatoes?" 

"Nope." She said flatly. "I'm eating them." 

"Right." He said gritting his teeth. "The pumpkin then?"

"Can't, it's too far away." The third defiance made his blood boil.

"Are you so inept that you can't lift one arm?" He said sarcastically, making Lucretia Black sitting across from him groan.

"Oh don't be such a bitch, 'Mina!" She shoved the offending bowl at Tom without even looking at him and Tom nodded in acknowledgement.

Filch seemed a bitch but she was far too foolish to do much harm. The name slipped his mind.

Years later, when she found a lover in an equally foolish wizard from Wales, neither she nor Tom thought upon the other. Their child, who they named Argus was born on July 29th and turned out to be even more magically weak than his parents. When he turned eleven, no letter came from Hogwarts and the seed of bitterness that rooted in his heart remained. 

He would get to visit the magical school he dreamed off eventually, when he began work as a caretaker. His cantankerous attitude became legendary and his cat, his only companion. Two days before the Dark Lord Voldemort, rose and fell to an apparent miracle at the hands of a baby boy in another world, he bumped into a strange man at the corner of the wards of Hogwarts. 

He didn't notice the red eyes of the figure or the slit nostrils. He didn't notice when the man imperiused him and tried to read his mind, only to be attacked by a feral cat and mauled. He didn't avoid the green light that spelled his and his pet's doom.

Two days later, the Dark Lord Voldemort died of an infection, a complication of the insignificant cut that was given by the pet cat of Argus Filch.


End file.
